As I'm Missing You
by A Bean
Summary: Sort of spin-off to WhimsicalWriter4's As We Do Everything. When Clarke leaves, she left without saying goodbye to her mother. So, she writes a letter to her, and Abby figures out how to reply.
1. Now I'm Gone

**This fanfiction is based off of the wonderful story _As We Do Everything_ by WhimsicalWriter4. This is written with their permission and help.**

 **Summary: When Clarke and Bellamy leave Arkadia to make their own camp, Clarke left without telling her mother goodbye. Instead, she writes a letter to her, saying goodbye and giving what Clarke thought would be her last message. Abby finds a way to reply, and through the story, they tell each other what's happening at the two different camps.**

 **The first chapter takes place in Chapter 7.**

* * *

A sleeping Bellamy lay on the bed as Clarke sat, finally able to get a break from taking care of him to do something else. She sat at her desk, paper and pencil borrowed from the underground bunker. If they were going to leave, Clarke couldn't leave without saying goodbye to her mother, her only family.

She took a breath and began writing.

 _Dear Mom,_

Alright, good start. What next?

 _I'm gone. The Princess and the Rebel King have gone, and they've taken the remaining 100 with them. I have no doubt that soon enough, you'll figure out who they are._

 _We've only taken them because of the rebellion that will eventually happen. We're taking them for a lot of reasons, actually. What Kane did to Bellamy… well, they won't forget that anytime. If you were wondering what stopped them from acting on their murderous rages, it was the Princess._

 _Me._

 _Now, they are gone. I'm gone, Bellamy's gone. We're taking our people with us. There's no 'us' anymore, no Arkadians together as one. Now, we are the Delinquents and you are the Arkadians. And they don't care what Kane says about it._

 _I want you to understand that we left. I want you to understand that we made this decision for the safety of your people. I made this decision with the King because we are in charge, and we have to do what's best for everyone even if we don't like it._

 _I hope that one day, you and Kane will realize that. Not just in my case, but in any case you may come up against._

 _But you are my mother. I can't just leave without saying goodbye, so this is it. These words here are my last ones to you._

 _And they will be, because where we're going, you won't find us. The Grounders don't even know; we'll meet them somewhere safely away from camp. They wouldn't care anyway because we have created a treaty with them already._

 _I know you'll ask, so no, I can't guarantee that we'll be safe. I can't say for certain that everything will be okay, and I can't say we won't die off just as quickly when you sent us down here. I can tell you, though, that we have weapons. We've got guns, bombs, mines, Raven. We're more prepared this time. We've got an entire army on our side if we need it._

 _I can also tell you that I love you. I love you, mom. I need you to know that._

 _May we meet again._

 _-Clarke_

She looked over her letter again, nodding decisively at what she'd written and fixing a few mistakes. She'd just finished when Bellamy stirred beside her.

"Are we go yet?" He asked groggily, rubbing his eyes.

"When you finish packing we are," Clarke said. "Come on, I'll help you to your tent."

The letter, folded neatly, sat on her desk, ready to be delivered before they left that night.

In fifteen hours, when it was discovered, the recipient will read the first lines, and will stifle a gasp and run to her daughter's tent, shoving out of the way one Marcus Kane, who will follow after excusing himself from his conversation.

The recipient will burst into the tent and find no one there. Marcus will enter soon after and find his love kneeling on the floor, clutching a hand to her heart as she reads the rest of the letter in the empty tent. Then she will start shaking, then sobbing as she looks around the empty tent, wondering if she will ever see her daughter again. Then, Marcus Kane will gently take the letter from her hands and read it. Then he will kneel on the floor and embrace his lover as she cries her heart out from losing the only family she had left.

But that will all happen in fifteen hours. For now, all is peaceful as Bellamy packs his bag.


	2. But You Don't Recognize Me

Abby got up just as the guards were opening the gate to let the Grounders out to head home. She rushed over, tucking a letter into her pocket and holding another in her hand.

"Hei, Indra," she said as the woman got to the gate. "Beja, hod op."

Indra turned, one eyebrow raised and a hand instinctively on her sword.

"Please," Abby said. "When are you going to their camp?"

"Tomorrow at dawn," Indra answered. "Why?"

"Will you give this to Clarke?" Abby asked, holding out the separate letter. "Beja?"

Indra took it. "Sha," she said, putting it into her pouch. "For Klark?"

"Yes," Abby said. "Tell her it's from me."

Indra nodded and set off.

* * *

Whatever they were expecting when Clarke and Bellamy met the Grounders at the agreed meeting point, it certainly wasn't a half-drunk Bellamy and a glaring Clarke who helped him through the woods.

"Hei, Indra," Clarke said, struggling to keep her friend upright.

"Hei, Heda Klark, Heda Belami," Indra greeted, a little uncertain.

"How are things at Arkadia?" Clarke asked, sitting Bellamy down on a stump. He was giggling madly at a Grounder that had accompanied Indra.

"They seem to be going well," Indra said. "We cannot stay long, but your mother the Fisa directed me to give you this." She pulled a piece of paper from her belt and offered it to Clarke. She took it, folding it away to read later.

Indra gave the rest of the report on Arkadia, Clarke giving hers, Bellamy only interrupting once to comment about the trees, which were apparently talking.

They didn't stay long, apparently being needed in Polis, so they left quickly and Clarke dragged Bellamy back to camp, where he fell asleep.

Going into the place they'd sectioned off for Medical (and also the place Clarke was sleeping), she unfolded the paper Indra gave her and began reading.

 _Dear Clarke,_

 _I wish you would have come to me in person and said goodbye._

 _In camp, parents all around are asking Marcus and I where their children have gone, what's happened. Instead of stopping the chaos, you've managed to create some._

 _I already know I can't convince you to come home, ever, so instead I'll ask if you've reached wherever you're going safely._

 _Are you sure you have enough food? Weapons? Do they listen to you?_

 _Do they listen to you when we never did? Marcus and I are realizing that maybe we should have a little more. If we'd never done that to Bellamy, would you have stayed?_

 _I don't think you would have, but I can't say for sure. Ever since we've gotten here, you've changed so much that I can't tell what your motives are anym_ _ore._

 _I love you, Clarke. I do, even if sometimes we clash because you're more in charge than I am, if sometimes we argue about things that would never have come up when we were on the Ark. This is one of those times where we'd argue about leaving._

 _If you had come to me to say goodbye, I would have done everything in my power to keep you from going. We would have argued, and it would have ended with us ending on bad terms. I would have never written this letter, and I would have felt terrible because our last words to each other would have been angry ones._

 _So even if I'm never going to see you again, and even if you never reply, it's okay. It's okay because you've evidently made your peace and here I am, making mine._

 _I love you. If you ever need anything, or just happen to want to drop by, I'll be here. Always._

 _May we meet again._

 _Love,_

 _Mom_

Clarke sat there for a moment, digesting her mother's words. She knew she'd changed since being on the ground, but she hadn't thought it was that much.

When they'd first gotten to earth, Clarke's main mission had been finding Mount Weather. Then it was finding and taking care of Jasper, and so many other things that maybe she'd slipped from naïve Ark Girl to something different without realizing. Sure, she'd become Wanheda, but was because she was trying to save the people who surrounded her today.

Clarke knew she'd changed, but if her father could see her right now, dressed in blue robes and Grounder braids, would he recognize her? Her mother didn't. She'd never meant to become this person, someone completely new who wasn't the same person even to her mother. She remembered Bellamy's words as he dragged Lincoln into the dropship.

 _"Who we are and who we need to be to survive are two very different things."_

At the time, Clarke had been outraged that they would take a hostage. She'd been outraged at Bellamy. She'd always told herself that by these words, she would never mix who she was with who she needed to be.

But now, it was evident that she had, without even realizing it. Was this who she was now? Was there no going back to the happy-go-lucky Ark girl?

No, she decided. There wasn't. She could never go back to that, after two people she loved most were now dead, unable to support her as they once had. Wells and her father were gone.

So was she. Now, she was Mighty Wanheda, but she could also be Clarke without Wanheda.

She was sure of it.


	3. So I'll Find Someone New

**Hello! Sorry I have't kept this up. School just started and then we went on a camping trip (with no wi-fi)... Lots of things happened and I haven't had time to write this. Sorry! Have an extra-long chapter to make up for it!**

* * *

Abby paced the hall just outside the Med Bay on the fallen Ark. Did Clarke get her letter? Would she reply? Was she okay?

She was so busy with her thoughts that she didn't hear Marcus come up behind her and say her name three times before she bumped into him.

"Marcus," she said, not surprised at all.

"Abby," he greeted. "How long have you been here?"

Abby averted her gaze and started pacing again.

"Abby," he said, and she could hear the desperation in his voice. "It's been four days. It's okay. Clarke is okay."

"But what if she's not?" Abby said, whirling around to face him. "What if something terrible happens? What if something happens to Bellamy? She won't be able to take care of herself."

"Abby," Marcus said, catching her by the elbow. Instinctively, she burrowed into him and he wrapped his arms around her. "Clarke is fine. She's survived out there for three months before. She'll be okay."

The woman in his arms was silent, before asking him, "Why do you say my name so much?"

Marcus chuckled. "Because it's beautiful. And you're here, so I'm going to say it whenever I have the chance."

Abby shook her head and pulled herself from the hug. "I should have done that with Clarke."

Marcus sighed beside her, but another guard ran in and informed Abby that Indra and her team were here. She raced out the door, Marcus in tow behind her.

"Hei, Indra," Abby greeted, Marcus doing the same. She smiled at the two of them and shook Marcus's hand. "Hello, my friends." She looked at Abby and gave her a piece of paper, saying "For you. From Wanheda."

Abby took the letter with shaking hands and went to her tent, leaving Marcus to do business with their ground neighbors. She sat, unfolding the letter and beginning to read.

 _Dear Mom,_

 _You asked if I would have come to you, and if I had then we would have argued and gone anyway. This way is for the better. I never wanted to end on bad terms with you, even when I got arrested on the Ark._

 _That seems so long ago. Dad seems so long ago. Sometimes, in our new camp when I'm not busy, I look up and wonder if he can see us. I think he can. Do you remember the old rhyme? "_ _In peace may you leave the shore, in love may you find the ext. Safe passage on your travels until our final journey to the ground."_

Abby read the last part out loud in a whisper. _"May we meet again."_

Wiping a tear from her eye, she continued reading.

 _I wonder if anyone says that anymore. Did anyone say that to dad when he left? I can't remember. If he's up there, watching us, do you think he'd say anything about me? About how much I've changed? About Mount Weather?_

(Here, the handwriting is a little shaky, as if Clarke still isn't over it.)

 _Would he have supported me? Would he have... I don't know, been in there? When I was looking in that room, with Cage and Tsing, and everyone chained up... Would he have fought as hard for you as Kane did? Would he have been on that table?_

 _I did that to save you. Would he have approved? Do you think he'd be ashamed of me? Or just Wanheda? Would he have said that they're one and the same? Would Dad say that killing Finn was okay to save him from pain?_

 _If he was here on Earth, I think that he'd say... I don't know, mom. It's been so long. At least, it feels like an eternity ago when we were watching that soccer game on the couch with Jaha, and Wells, and then you came in. It's hard to believe that that was only eight months ago._

 _To answer your question_ (Although Abby knew it was just to get off the subject of Jake) _, yes, I did make it safely. The first night we got here, we killed a bear. Monty almost drowned in the river. And... I have to tell you something. I'm really sorry I'm not there to see your reaction, though._

 _Bellamy and I are together._

Abby laughed, and put down the letter. She shook her head, amused. "I always knew," she said softly, running her hands through her hair.

 _I feel like you knew that would eventually happen. Maybe you haven't lost your touch after all, huh, Mom?_

 _Yes, they listen to me. They listen to us. We've decided (with some help to make that decision) that we're not going to be the only ones ruling. So we've created a Royal Court. And we didn't even choose the name. Our people call me the Princess and Bellamy the Rebel King, so a Royal Court would be appropriate._

 _I'll tell you though, the night we got here, Bellamy kissed me. We had a party to celebrate our freedom. Our own special sort of Unity Day. Then, he got drunk and he was kind of adorable, but don't tell him I said that. I'll never hear the end of it._

 _I love you too, mom. And I might visit sometime. But stop looking for us. We know where we are, what the negotiations with the Grounders are. We'll be fine. You'll never find us, anyway. We know where you are, how to contact you if anything goes wrong. I promise that the Princess and the Rebel King will be fine, and all their people will be too._

 _It's good you made your peace. But we can continue this, if you want. I do._

 _I love you, Mom. And- here's a piece of advice. Marcus is a good guy._

 _May we meet again._

 _Love,_

 _Clarke._

Abby sat staring at the only communication she had with her daughter, interrupted only by a voice from outside. "Abby?"

She sat up, giving permission to come in. Marcus paused at the doorway. "Is Clarke okay?"

Abby nodded, tears threatening to spill again. "She's okay." Marcus smiled, then took a closer look at the paper in Abby's hand. "Is that my name?"

"No," Abby said, flushing and folding the letter up.

"It is too," Marcus said, grinning cheekily. "Are you two having little side conversations about me?"

"No!" Abby protested, blushing despite herself. She set the letter down and walked out of her tent. "We are not."

"Are too," Marcus said, following. "What are you saying?"

"Nothing," Abby said, playfully slapping him. "I am not saying anything about you."

"Yes you are," Marcus said. "Did you tell Clarke how much you love me with my shirt off?"

"No," Abby said again, turning to the distribution center. "And certainly nothing about your pants!"

"Abby!" Marcus said with a fake air of shock around him.

They bickered on and off, their laughter heard all throughout camp. Abby smiled to herself. Clarke was okay. Now, she had another thing to worry about... and it had something to do with a bed.


End file.
